I sat in a chair, head down, eyes shut; motionless. I was at my rope’s end. Unable to think a thought, to cry or be sad. Unable to feel a thing, to smile or to laugh. Had felt all the emotions I know. Been happy, sad, anxious, angry… But this moment was different. I just couldn’t feel a thing… Or so it seemed.
Maybe all the emotions had interacted and birthed something new. I think it was a state. The diffusion of emotions took me to a place. A place of solid helplessness. Immovable, static, tired helplessness. I sat in there. Just sat in there.
It’s uncertain what prompted the next occurrence. Unwilling to move foot or finger, a flicker of something in my subconscious must have raised my head which had been down for several minutes. Or, maybe it it wasn’t anything on the inside. Maybe it was a reflection from the rising sun, peering through the now transparent blinds. The aura of light filling up the room must have raised the hairs on my skin. I suddenly felt my nothingness begin to drift out the window to my left. All shadows rested to the right of the room, and there I could see reflections of everything. It seemed suddenly that my eyes had been open; open to their beauty. Not of the objects themselves, but of the way they cast their shadows. Everything so far meaningless began to make new sense. The soul inside of me began to motion to and from the corridors of my mind. I was alive again.
It was the dash of sunshine. The reflection of window panes through the curtains. The desk’s shadow against carpet tiles. It was that voice which said to me,
“I still have eyes on you. You’re still hid under the shadow of my wings. And though not all you desire may seem alive, the sun will continue to set and rise. The seasons will not cease to revolve and so will seed time and harvest. Remember, seed time for cocoa is not the same as seed time for the corn. Be reminded in all of this, if you remember nothing else; everytime the sun rises, and every time you see the moon, that I have eyes on you.”
Sometimes we remember when we should forget. And sometimes we forget, what we should remember. It is in remembering what we should, that we rise again and shine. I do not promise myself another lifeless moment won’t come. But I will strive to remember; to let God’s creation remind me. I will strive also to remind someone, that when the sun rises, they must also rise. Find the courage to rise. Let the little things around remind you. And if you will rise, yes, you will shine!
Just like the sun ☀